Your Impact Affects You, Too

Stick figure diagram: (1) how you are being (2) makes people feel something, ((3) they respond, and (4) you have an experienceJohn and I are passionate about you knowing your impact and making it great. There are some really big reasons why you should be concerned about your impact, too. How you are being, how you are “showing up,” directly influences your experiences with other people. You are actually, in a large part, creating your own experiences of other people. Here are five ways of being that affect others and can create your own experience in life. Check it out!

1. Guarded or Real

When you are guarded, hiding out, or projecting a facade, people feel disconnected. They tend to shut down or pull away and you experience only surface-level conversations and feel like people don’t really get you.

On the other hand, when you are real, authentic and willing to be vulnerable, people feel comfortable being around you, disarmed and at ease. They feel invited in and you feel seen heard and understood and experience deeper conversations and deeper connection.

2. Being Heard or Hearing

When you primarily focus on your own need to be seen, heard, understood, and valued, people feel unimportant and not valued. They withdraw and become unavailable and you feel alone.

But if you focus primarily on their need to be seen, heard, understood, and valued, they feel valued, appreciated and grateful. They draw closer to you, wanting more and you have more people available to you and around you and in your life.

3. Spinning Out Emotionally or Being Grounded

When you are spinning out in anger, fear or sadness (and spewing it on people), they themselves experience those feelings (empathetic response) and feel uncomfortable. they often shut down because of the intense and uncomfortable nature of those feelings and you experience shallow connections, brief interactions and maybe even find people to be increasingly unavailable.

However, if you are grounded and share your emotions responsibly, people feel calm and peaceful around you. They are further attracted to you and you experience deeper connections, more intimacy and more people around you in general.

4. Negative or Positive

When you frequently focus on the negative or on problems, people feel down and discouraged. They either complain more, too or withdraw or otherwise try to limit their exposure to you.

Contrarily, if you focus on the positive including solutions, people feel encouraged as they see what’s possible for themselves and for the world. They draw in closer to you and you find yourself surrounded by more positive people who like you.

5. Judging or Being Compassionately Curious

When you are judging (making someone or something wrong or bad), right-fighting or being a know-it-all, people feel defensive, argumentative and not valued. They either fight back or flee, which may just be shutting down) and you don’t even feel seen, heard, understood, or valued and you feel dissatisfied and disconnected.

Yet when you are compassionately curious, really seeking to understand them, they feel valued, appreciated, and like you really get them. They draw closer to you and share more and are more open to hearing from you and you enjoy deeper connections and feel more satisfied.

A Striking Contrast

Did you see how dramatically different people’s responses will be depending on how you are being when you are with them? I admit that there may be some variation, but in general, this is how people will respond to you. That’s why your impact on other people affects you, too.

The Impact Hour

Pic of John and Rena and text, "The Impact Hour with John and RenaWe covered this topic in more depth on The Impact Hour this week. So if you want to hear more on how you are affecting other people and how that’s shaping your own experience click here to listen to the show recording. We almost always do the show live from Sacramento (we’ve only prerecorded it a few times). So if you’d like to call in to the show, that’d be great! You can call (866) 576-1055 between 2-3 PM on Wednesdays to join us on the air and share your questions and experience of making a positive impact. That’d be super-cool and we’d love to hear from you! You can listen to the show live on 105.5 FM in Sacramento or online at

Be and Connect starts next week!

We are so excited to offer our new class, Be and Connect starting next week. It will powerfully help you change how other people are experiencing you so they respond to you more favorably. You will feel a stronger sense of connection with your kids, spouse or significant other, friends, coworkers, clients and more. This is going to ROCK your relationships and give you that connection you desire. People will get you and appreciate you.

This class is live in Roseville Tuesday nights October 3 through November 14, from 6:30 to 8 PM. (We will offer an online version in January.) It even includes midweek coaching calls to help you apply what you’re learning!

Click here for more information or to register. Call Rena with any questions at (916) 783-2622.

If you haven’t already signed up for your free videos, click here to get concrete takeaways you can use to start shifting your relationships immediately. These videos give you a good taste of the benefits of taking the Be and Connect class.

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