We don’t usually ask how many days we have left. The answer, really is unknowable. But each day, we assume we’ll be around tomorrow. Each week, we assume we’ll be here next week. Each year we think we’ll be here next year too.
I certainly held this idea of having plenty of days left when I had my heart attack. Then I lay on the bathroom floor terrified that I might be out of days. It’s quite surreal to consider that the end might not be counted in years, but in hours or minutes.
I’ve learned 3 key things from that morning that I’d like to share with you.
1. Love is the Most Important Thing
Most people get that we should love our spouses, our kids, our parents and other family members. But I think our love should go far beyond this.
When I had my heart attack, I asked if I had loved people well, and if my life mattered. It took me several years before I realized these are two sides of the same question. Our life will matter when we work to increase our expression of love. Our life won’t matter if we don’t love people. It’s all tied together.
When we ask ourselves,
“What is the biggest expression of love that I can show (fill in)?”
we can start to see that there is a lot more that we can be doing. And when we increase our love to include more and more people, our influence will grow to new levels. Our life will matter to more and more people.
When our expressions of love get beyond the superficial, our significance to others will deepen as well. Others’ lives can be transformed by our expressions of love.
We should never stop loving and finding new ways to love.
2. Playing it Safe Causes Regret
Safe is comfortable. We keep the same job. We eat at the same restaurants. We hang out with the same people.
I’ve spent lots of time playing it safe. I’ve put those uncertain scary projects on the “back burner” until I’d get around to it some day. Someday, I’d start a men’s group. Someday, I’d mentor someone. Someday I’d contact that person and make amends. Someday I’d reconnect with that friend.
Then one day, I had a heart attack, and I thought, “oh crap! I might not have a someday.”
We need to make the most meaningful things a priority. We might not have tomorrow to do them. Don’t wait to tell that someone you love them. Don’t wait to say, “I’m sorry.” Don’t wait to start that business. Don’t wait to take the lead. Don’t wait to write that book. Don’t wait to share your story.
Playing it safe only causes regret.
3. The Problem is in the Mirror
The last thing I learned is that if I’m stuck, the problem isn’t out there somewhere. It’s in here inside of me. I make the choice, or non-choice. It’s not someone else’s fault.
I lie to myself and say, “I can’t because …”
I decide it’s too scary and stay unmoving. I tell myself it’s not possible. I tell myself I’m just not the kind of person who does that. I tell myself I’m not capable. I convince myself that no one else will care, or that people just don’t do this sort of thing.
I’m the one who misses opportunities, who screws up relationships, who doesn’t take the bold step, and who doesn’t engage people well.
The way forward absolutely involves working on me. I need to step into boldness. I need to be more vulnerable with people. I need to initiate more heartfelt conversations. I need to stop trying to win with people so much and learn to love people better.
Blaming others gets us nowhere. Excuses just prevent us from moving forward. The way we show up matters far more than any other factor in influencing our current situation.
If you’re experiencing a problem, or you find yourself not moving forward, look in the mirror. The answer is probably there.
So, these are the 3 major lessons I learned from my heart attack. How many days do we have left? Only God knows, but make the ones you do have count in the areas that matter most. To help you, here are three key questions you can ask yourself:
- “Do I love people well?”
- “Does my life matter?”
- “Do I know the impact my life is having right now?”
P.S. You can shave 2-3 years off of your journey to maximize your life’s impact through individual or couple’s coaching. Click here to send us a message, or give us a call to learn more: (916) 783-2622.
