Do you want to be more influential? Do you want to influence your kids? Spouse or significant other? Coworkers or customers? Friends? In this episode of The Impact Hour, we explore what you can do to be more influential with the people around you.Click here to listen.
For example, when you want to change the behavior of another person, it’s most effective to clearly state what you want instead of what you don’t want. Typically, people focus on what they don’t like and what they don’t want. “I hate it when you ________ (fill in the blank).” It’s really easy to have that focus on the negative. Unfortunately, it does not inform the person of what exactly we want from them. And it tends to make people defensive.
John and I have found that it’s much more effective–that is, we are more influential–when we let the person know what we desire. In fact, we have an agreement in our marriage that we state “I desire…” when we want something different. Interestingly I’ve found that it actually takes a good amount of effort to get clear on what I want instead of what I don’t want. Focusing on what we don’t like is such an ingrained habit! For example, “I desire the peace of mind in knowing the bills are taken care of” instead of “I want you to stop paying the bills late.”
When we state what we desire, we avoid having their defenses come up. They know what we want, and they can even join us in the problem solving to help create what we desire. It’s really a lot more effective.
If you want to hear more tips on being more influential click here to listen to the show recording. You can be more influential in your interpersonal relationships and in making a deliberate positive impact in the lives of other people, too.