In AA, one of the sayings is “keep your side of the street clean.” It’s usually applied to specific situations where they don’t let others’ behavior derail their sobriety and their journey through the steps. But I think we’ve taken this concept a little too far and applied it everywhere.
Just to be clear, this isn’t a rant about AA. I think AA does a fine job of helping people get off of their addictions. I believe the trouble comes when we apply this concept to everything else in our life. We “keep our side of the street clean” in our marriages, in our jobs, with our friends, and with just about everybody.
This leads to us focusing only on ourselves. It leads to attitudes like:
- “I work and take care of myself. Why should I help other people?”
- “I do such and such for my spouse, why don’t they do such and such for me?”
- “I did my part for the project. It’s those other screw-ups who messed things up.”
Forget trying to make an impact in people’s lives. We’re just taking care of ourselves … and blaming others.
When we consider great inspiring people in the world, we discover that they didn’t just “keep their side of the street clean.” What if Mother Teresa just kept her side of the street clean? What if Martin Luther King Jr just kept his side of the street clean? We’d all miss out on experiencing their great contribution to the world.
Time and again, people who get to stare death in the face learn that a “my side of the street” focus leaves a lot to be desired. When I experienced a very real possibility of my own demise, I wished I had lived with greater significance and meaning. I think you will too.
When we decide that we want our life to matter, that we want to live a legacy, we need to ditch the idea that we should just keep our side of the street clean. Instead, we start to see that we can take care of our side of the street and be a game changer for their side of the street too.
One step you can take this week: Write down two to three areas where you’ve been “keeping your side of the street clean,” but are leaving others in a situation. Then write next to these items how you are contributing, at least in part, to the situation (their side of the street). Finally write down how you can shift from being a part of the problem to being a part of the solution.
I don’t think this is what this saying is intended to mean. In AA, NA, OA, Al-Anon, everyone is encouraged to help others. Be of service. What is meant by “keeping my side of the street clean” is that I tend to my own business. I do not lend unsolicited advise or pretend to have the solution to others peoples problems. I focus on my own. I don’t share other peoples stories. Those are theirs to share, and share at their own discretion. I choose who and who I do not I share my stories with. I practice rigorous honestly.… Read more »