In 1943 Abraham Maslow came up with his hierarchy of needs. Many of you probably already know it. It goes like the following from most urgent, most basic on up:
- Physical (air, food, shelter, clothing, etc.)
- Safety (from violence, war, abuse, natural disasters, etc.)
- Social (love and belonging, friendships, intimacy, etc.)
- Esteem (self-esteem, respect, confidence, etc.)
- Self-actualization (creativity, authenticity, mastery, etc.)
The theory goes that the lower needs take precedence over the higher needs. So if we are lacking air, for example, we will focus on satisfying that need above all others (probably with great urgency).
Stuck
I’ve discovered that we can stay stuck at lower levels of needs. You’ve probably encountered people like this. They’re like this giant hairball of needs one after the other. No matter how much you work to help them, there is always a current crisis.
But what you may not know is that being stuck at a level in the hierarchy of needs is not just a result of our circumstances, rather it’s a choice. Let me explain by example:
The sunrise is beautiful. Sally sits at the table sipping morning coffee enjoying the scene. Joey looks over at Sally hoping for a fun day together. Joey sits down too, and Sally comments that the trash can looks full. Joey hears this as a criticism of him and immediately flies off the handle yelling at Sally about how insensitive she is. Next week Sally doesn’t call Joey so much any more, and Sally is Joey’s 5th girlfriend this month.
In this little story, Joey is driving people away one after the other. Joey is perpetually stuck at level 3 of the hierarchy of needs. Joey could easily get past level 3 of the hierarchy if he would take ownership and responsibility for his actions, rather than letting his emotions run the play-book of his life. By not addressing the issue, Joey is effectively choosing to drive people away in his life.
It’s possible that a life circumstance comes up that drops us down a few levels of the needs hierarchy. This isn’t what I’m talking about. In this case, many people will work through the current crisis, and then get back up after a while. I’m taking about when we seem to be perpetually in a certain level of the hierarchy of needs.
Getting Unstuck
Discovering our calling and living a legacy is more of a level 5, Self-actualization, endeavor. To live a legacy and make our positive impact on the world requires that we not stay stuck in the lower levels of the needs hierarchy.
When we feel like we’ve been stuck at a level in the needs hierarchy for a long time, it might serve us to ask ourselves how we’re contributing to the situation. Maybe we’re not directly causing things to go a certain way, but maybe we’re making choices that result in certain responses, events and actions more likely to occur. What is our role in outcomes that seem to repeatedly occur?
Often, from the inside of the events, we can’t see our role in the circumstances. We may need to ask some other folks who have an outside view to weigh in on our analysis. Then we work to find the nugget that we’re supposed to learn and grow from there.
Being at level 5 is certainly a lot more fun, and more interesting place to be. My wish for you is that you would be at ‘Self-actualization’ and be working on living your legacy.
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