For a whole lot of years I was concerned primarily that we all arrived at the right answer. I would find myself often correcting, debating and arguing with people. This was all in the name of a commitment to the truth. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Let’s talk about it.
Commitment to the Truth
Commitment to the truth sounds like a really good thing. However, we can miss something every important if we’re not careful.
First, commitment to the truth is awesome when we are seeking truth for ourselves. If we’re about to accuse someone else, it’s good to have a commitment to the truth so we don’t falsely accuse someone. A commitment to the truth can remove a lot of false assumptions we make in life.
Commitment to the truth is essential when we want to maximize our impact in the world. This includes being honest about where we are with our effectiveness. We won’t be effective if we engage in a lot of activity but then never measure the results we want to see.
Commitment to the Process
Commitment to the truth is not great when what’s going on is more about the process than the end result. For example, when our kids are doing their math homework, it’s more important that they understand the math than they get the right answer. We could do their homework for them and they would get an A on the assignment, but our kid wouldn’t be any closer at understanding math principles.
The same is true when raising our kids. It is more important for our kids to take in and understand moral principles than it is for them to have good behavior. When we focus only on the behavior, kids can miss the underlying principles and think that the behavior we’re seeking is just for that moment or that situation. They may even think, “I need to do whatever Mom or Dad tells me,” but when the parents are away they don’t have anything guiding them.
Holding Space
When interacting with other people, it’s easy to forget that the other person is in process. We jump to the “right answer” and “fix it” not realizing that we’re attempting to bypass the person’s internalizing and processing of events.
For example, telling someone that they should forgive or even tell them how to forgive isn’t helpful if the person is still working through the decision to forgive a specific person for a specific action. It would be much better to listen and, if helpful, ask a few key questions. This gives the person a space to work through their own internal processes and decision.
We call this being available for another person to work through their internal processes, “holding space.” There aren’t enough places in the world where it’s safe to verbalize what we’re really thinking and feeling, to help us work through fears, anger, unforgiveness, abandonment, or even excitement.
People who are good at holding space are really attractive. These are the kind of people we just like to be around – especially when we’re in a crisis, but in other times too. They are just safe, comfortable, accepting people. In the interpersonal arena, these people are intentionally making a positive impact.
If you want to become a more like one of these really attractive people, our upcoming seminar will be great for you. In the first part of the seminar, we will work on your interpersonal impact. In the second part of the seminar you will get clear on the focused impact you want to make in the world.
You can get more information and register for the seminar here: https://simplygreatlives.com/event/life-impact-academy-connection-and-purpose/. Don’t let money be a reason to not come. Call us if you need financial support: (916) 783-2622.
