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How to Be a Jerk

Boss from the movie "Office Space"OK, you probably don’t really want to be a jerk, but I’m finding that being the opposite of a jerk is really helpful. So what it takes to be a jerk is actually an enlightening inquiry. As I am currently developing a course on how to be the kind of person people respond well to, I’ve identified certain ways of being that are counter-productive in relationships. Clump a bunch of them together and–viola!–you get a jerk. Do the opposite and you’ll be the kind of person people like to be around. So, check it out…

1. Make a lot of assumptions about people

When you don’t know why someone said or did something, assume the worst. Feel free to have a dramatic emotional response, too. Go ahead and freak out if someone is late. If someone says something that makes you mad,. just let it out. You can assume you actually understood what they meant and not bother asking for any clarification.

2. Be really judgmental

Decide for yourself if what someone did is good or bad, right or wrong. Be sure to let them know about it by using lots of “should”s and “shouldn’t”s. There’s really no room for mercy, grace or even acceptance here.

3. Let yourself be distracted

Check your phone frequently during conversations. If you get bored talking to someone, take the opportunity to review your to-do list, think about what you have to pick up at the grocery store on the way home or what you want to do over the weekend. After all, it’s not your responsibility to make people feel valued. Their self esteem is their problem, not yours.

4.  Focus on yourself, not the other person

What you have to say is certainly more interesting and important than anything else the other person in the conversation might say. Be sure to get out whatever you want to say and don’t express interest in what the other person has to say to you.

5. See people as objects

If you ever felt like people are just in your way,you’re right. At the office, in line at the bank and on the freeway, they are just objects to get around. Don’t think for a moment they have hopes and dreams, feelings or even a soul. Seriously, they’re just in the way.

6. Tear people down

Always talk bad about other people. In comparison to the people you’re shredding, you’ll look pretty impressive.

7. Be guarded

Putting on your poker face will keep people from knowing the real you and any flaws you may have. It’s better to appear perfect than to risk exposing your imperfections. Of course, no one can relate to being perfect, but you want them to respect you not for them to be able to relate to you.

8. Focus on the negative

Whenever possible, complain. Point out what’s wrong with the world, our country, your place of employment , and your spouse or partner. Be sure to mention things like locking your keys in the car, having physical or financial problems or conflicts with co-workers. It’s a good way to blow off steam and misery loves company, right?

9. Focus on problems, not solutions

Solutions are for sissies–just like unicorns and rainbows. Let everyone know about your problems and let them know why their proposed solutions won’t work. Duh!

10. Blame other people

Avoid taking responsibility at all costs. When something goes bad, you’re the victim here and everyone should know it.

That’s how to be a jerk. If you want people to like you and respond well, try to do the opposite and see how it goes!

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